Throughout Connor's life whenever his condition worsened and he lost the ability to do something he used to be able to do, or we had to adjust to another piece of equipment he had become dependent on, we used to say we just needed to adjust to our new normal. Instead of focusing on the loss and limitations we would focus on finding new ways of doing things and enjoying what he could do. I still try and have that attitude. Problem is, I really don't like my new normal. I'm now fairly well rested, in much better shape, can make plans on the spur of the moment and have time to sit and write this blog...all unthinkable 16 months ago...but I would trade it all in a second. I would happily be tired and overweight if I could go back to my old normal. I guess sometimes adjusting to hard things is easier than having them taken away.
Keep Your Word
I know it sounds like very obvious advice but here it is anyway. Keep your word. Especially when you have specifically told a group of people not to worry about something because you are going to take care of it. And if for some reason you are not able to do what you said you would do, please just admit it. When it comes up again don't pretend like it is a new issue and you never previously said you would take care of it.
Real life example: Several weeks ago one of my co-workers specifically asked to have an item added to our staff meeting agenda so they could get input from the team about a special event that was being planned. We did not get to that agenda item, because the person who asked to have it put on the agenda double booked themselves and needed to leave the meeting early. As they left they said 'don't worry about that item, I will follow-up with everyone individually'. Great, problem solved, right? No, wrong, because they never followed-up. This morning they contacted me and asked to call a special staff meeting (during new years week) because they need to get input from the team about a special event, which is happening in 6 days. No mention of the fact that they had committed to deal with this two weeks ago...Very annoying...
Real life example: Several weeks ago one of my co-workers specifically asked to have an item added to our staff meeting agenda so they could get input from the team about a special event that was being planned. We did not get to that agenda item, because the person who asked to have it put on the agenda double booked themselves and needed to leave the meeting early. As they left they said 'don't worry about that item, I will follow-up with everyone individually'. Great, problem solved, right? No, wrong, because they never followed-up. This morning they contacted me and asked to call a special staff meeting (during new years week) because they need to get input from the team about a special event, which is happening in 6 days. No mention of the fact that they had committed to deal with this two weeks ago...Very annoying...
For these Tough Times
I finished (and started) my second book for the Thomas Nelson BRB project yesterday. For these Tough Times by Max Lucado. I am not a fast reader so the fact that I started and finished it in one afternoon tells you that it is a very accessible book. I was drawn to the title because of my personal journey over these past several years and while Lucado certainly does not dive into the depths and complexities of dealing with grief and loss he does provide the reader with some good reminders about who God is, the fact that we are not Him (and thus lack His understanding), the fact that He does love us, and the fact that He is accessible to us. In addition to being drawn to the title because of my own personal journey, I also wanted to evaluate it for its appropriateness to give to other parents and families that are dealing with tremendous loss. Because Lucado presupposes the reader already has a belief in God and at least a basic understanding of the Biblical narrative, the book falls a little short in its general applicability. While there is something to be said for writing to your audience, Lucado has defined his audience so narrowly that it really cannot be used as a resource to introduce the love and care of God to people dealing with great loss and suffering that don't already know Him.
The Appropriate Use of Words
I feel obliged to say right up front that in general I am not a fan of swearing. Unlike some people, It doesn't particularly offend me when others swear, I just typically find swearing to be a cop out for not learning and using more descriptive and appropriate language. Also I find swear words usually have the effect of cheapening the message that the speaker is trying to deliver. That being said I do believe swears, just like all other words, when used appropriately, can be very effective at expressing a specific thought or feeling that no other word can express. Some examples from my own life (as this is a family friendly blog I have masked the actual words but you will get the point. I will ask your forgiveness in advance if I have offended you):
- Having a child with a life-shortening illness really S**KS.
- Spending weeks on end living in a hospital with your child feels like it must be H**L.
- After your child dies (and I'm sure its the same for your spouse, parent, etc..) there are some days when you really feel like S**T.
Not Created Here syndrome
Although I am not a doctor I think I have discovered a new syndrome (A syndrome is a collection of signs and symptoms known to frequently appear together but without a known cause). In the medical world the person who discovers a syndrome or disease usually gets to name it so I have decided to name this new syndrome 'Not Created Here' syndrome. If you encounter someone with this syndrome you will need to be very careful as it has been known to immobilize what could otherwise be a highly functioning team, from making progress on any sort of meaningful project or initiative. Some of the symptoms you need to watch out for are:
- The compulsive need to restate another person's idea in different words and then act like they came up with it themselves.
- Nitpicking some specific detail of an idea, and thus dismissing the entire thing, before understanding the big picture concept.
- Dismissing someone's idea or point of view because they do not have the 'appropriate' experience or qualifications.
- Acting completely disinterested in meetings if the conversation does not revolve around them or their ideas.
- Ignoring suggestions and feedback because the person giving them does not have the 'authority' to do so.
- Agreeing in private and then acting like the idea is ridiculous in front of superiors.
- Expecting others to keep them informed about everything and only sharing details about what they are doing when they need something from someone.
- Being nice to people only when they need something from them.
A Different Voice
It is amazing to me how sometimes two people can say the same exact thing to the same exact person and person one is responded to like they are an idiot and person two like they are the smartest person in the world.
A suggestion for those of you who respond more based on who is speaking rather than on what is being said. STOP IT!
If you are lucky, the people you do this to only find you really annoying. More than likely they find you very hurtful and really think far worse of you. If you have some predisposition against a certain person try closing your eyes and pretend someone else is talking, would it make a difference to how you respond?
A suggestion for those of you who respond more based on who is speaking rather than on what is being said. STOP IT!
If you are lucky, the people you do this to only find you really annoying. More than likely they find you very hurtful and really think far worse of you. If you have some predisposition against a certain person try closing your eyes and pretend someone else is talking, would it make a difference to how you respond?
In Loving Memory of:
Tonight we remember the children we know who were taken from us too soon and we say a prayer for all of their families who love and miss them.
Connor
Kyle
Evan
Zach
Sam
Aubrey
Ryan
Tommy
Tyler
Grace
Danny
Josh
Danny S.
Wesley
Joel
Maxine
Mattie
Nathan
Victoria
Sara
Kevin
Christian
Landon
Izzy
Charis
Connor
Kyle
Evan
Zach
Sam
Aubrey
Ryan
Tommy
Tyler
Grace
Danny
Josh
Danny S.
Wesley
Joel
Maxine
Mattie
Nathan
Victoria
Sara
Kevin
Christian
Landon
Izzy
Charis
Who moved?
Last night we got to spend an evening with 150 of our 'older' friends at an annual holiday dinner that our church hosts for seniors that live in some of the local senior apartment complexes and assisted living centers. It was a great night and a good time was had by all.Deb and I are lucky enough to get to spend one Sunday afternoon a month with several of these great people at a Bible study we lead at one of the complexes. To tell you the truth we probably get more out of it than they do. I love hanging out with 'older' people mostly because they are just fun. However, their years of experience also seem to give most of them a simplistic wisdom that refocuses me on what is important in life. And since we usually get to hear most of the stories multiple times their lessons usually eventually sink in. One of the things I have learned from my friend Lillian (pictured above) is this. When you feel like God is far away, ask yourself this: Who moved?
Too Big To Fail
It appears that the new formula for long term success (if you define success as staying in business vs. going out of business) is just to grow so big that you are 'Too Big To Fail'. We first heard about this concept in relation to big financial institutions and now it is being applied to the US automotive industry.
While I am very sympathetic to the many individuals that would be hurt by the failures of these companies, and the failure of them would certainly be extremely painful in the short term, saving them will potentially have even more damaging long term effects that no one is talking about. By saving these companies we are building a system that has no consequences. There is no reason to strive for excellence or invest in innovation if you can get by being mediocre; and there is no reason to be wise and responsible if there is no consequence for making very risky loosing bets. The only requirement for success is to grow big enough that you are too big to fail.
And now, too big is becoming relative. It is not just the biggest banks and biggest car companies that are using this rationale, I have recently seen this mentality begin to permeate the local non profit sector. A local non-profit I am aware of is in the process of dealing with a very difficult situation that could feasibly impact the agencies ability to continue. Most of the ideas being raised for addressing their problem are very positive but, one of the options that has actually been suggested is to simply do nothing. Why would they do nothing? Because as the argument goes, the agency provides too many critical services to be allowed to fail, so someone will bail them out. They are not by any means a huge non-profit by national standards but they are the one of the biggest fishes in their small pond.
If this trend continues what are we teaching our next generation of leaders?
While I am very sympathetic to the many individuals that would be hurt by the failures of these companies, and the failure of them would certainly be extremely painful in the short term, saving them will potentially have even more damaging long term effects that no one is talking about. By saving these companies we are building a system that has no consequences. There is no reason to strive for excellence or invest in innovation if you can get by being mediocre; and there is no reason to be wise and responsible if there is no consequence for making very risky loosing bets. The only requirement for success is to grow big enough that you are too big to fail.
And now, too big is becoming relative. It is not just the biggest banks and biggest car companies that are using this rationale, I have recently seen this mentality begin to permeate the local non profit sector. A local non-profit I am aware of is in the process of dealing with a very difficult situation that could feasibly impact the agencies ability to continue. Most of the ideas being raised for addressing their problem are very positive but, one of the options that has actually been suggested is to simply do nothing. Why would they do nothing? Because as the argument goes, the agency provides too many critical services to be allowed to fail, so someone will bail them out. They are not by any means a huge non-profit by national standards but they are the one of the biggest fishes in their small pond.
If this trend continues what are we teaching our next generation of leaders?
Our Greatest Fear
Why aren't you chasing your dreams? What are you afraid of? Failing? I think not. I think you are more afraid of success than failure. Why? Because people who succeed stand out. People who fail fit in and deep down that is what we all want, to fit in.
You are saying NO! that is backwards. We all want to stand out, be different and change the world.
Really? Think about it, from our earliest days, our society breads mediocrity. Remember back in grade school, the smart kids were the ones who were always made fun of. They were the geeks and the nerds.
Did you ever pretend that math or science were not easy for you, or not tell anyone that you really enjoyed reading the Scarlett Letter? Did you ever hide the fact that you were the one who got the 100 on the test and ruined the curve for everyone else?
Well stop. We need you to lead. We need you to be amazing. We need you to change the world.
You are saying NO! that is backwards. We all want to stand out, be different and change the world.
Really? Think about it, from our earliest days, our society breads mediocrity. Remember back in grade school, the smart kids were the ones who were always made fun of. They were the geeks and the nerds.
Did you ever pretend that math or science were not easy for you, or not tell anyone that you really enjoyed reading the Scarlett Letter? Did you ever hide the fact that you were the one who got the 100 on the test and ruined the curve for everyone else?
Well stop. We need you to lead. We need you to be amazing. We need you to change the world.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light , not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make and manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
- Marianne Williamson, from A Return to Love
The Truth About You
As previously discussed in this space I am reviewing books as part of the Thomas Nelson Book Review Blogger project. Here is my review of The Truth About You by Marcus Buckingham. Enjoy!
The Truth About You is really more than a book. It would be better described as a learning experience. If I had only two words to describe this experience they would be: Simple and Profound. As is true with most ideas that contain the potential to transform your life, the concepts presented are deceivingly simple, but if successfully implemented could have a profound impact on your life and work.
If you are new to the work of Marcus Buckingham, reading The Truth About You will provide a good introduction, and will likely lead you to seek out more about his work. The combination of the introductory DVD, book and ‘rememo’ activities should cause you to rethink your long-held beliefs about personal strengths, weaknesses and how you can maximize your performance, productivity and enjoyment of work. Sound like an impossible dream? It may be, but Buckingham, in his oversimplified way, sells it convincingly.
Unfortunately, for seasoned Buckingham followers there is really nothing new here. It is basically a very simplified repackaging of the key points and activities from Go Put Your Strengths to Work and Trombone Player Wanted. Save yourself a few bucks by finding the old copies, dusting them off, and having another go at it.
The Truth About You is really more than a book. It would be better described as a learning experience. If I had only two words to describe this experience they would be: Simple and Profound. As is true with most ideas that contain the potential to transform your life, the concepts presented are deceivingly simple, but if successfully implemented could have a profound impact on your life and work.
If you are new to the work of Marcus Buckingham, reading The Truth About You will provide a good introduction, and will likely lead you to seek out more about his work. The combination of the introductory DVD, book and ‘rememo’ activities should cause you to rethink your long-held beliefs about personal strengths, weaknesses and how you can maximize your performance, productivity and enjoyment of work. Sound like an impossible dream? It may be, but Buckingham, in his oversimplified way, sells it convincingly.
Unfortunately, for seasoned Buckingham followers there is really nothing new here. It is basically a very simplified repackaging of the key points and activities from Go Put Your Strengths to Work and Trombone Player Wanted. Save yourself a few bucks by finding the old copies, dusting them off, and having another go at it.
Worldwide Candle Lighting
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Next Sunday, December 14th is the Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting Ceremony,which is held the 2nd Sunday of December every year as a remembrance of children who have passed away. Candles are lit and burned for one hour starting at 7 pm (local time) worldwide.You can go to an actual service as listed on the site or hold a personal one at your own home. This year Deb and I will have our second annual personal service for Connor and his many friends who have passed away.
Please light a candle and say a prayer for Connor and his friends, and our families on December 14th at 7 pm. Thank you for remembering us!
Please also support children and families dealing with complex health care needs this holiday season through www.connorshouse.org!
In the paper
While most people I know who serve in the non-profit/religious worlds do not do it for the publicity (in fact most of them shy away from any type of accolades) it is still always nice when what you are doing to support others gets noticed and recognized. One of the greatest benefits of this is that it helps spread the word about what you are doing and hopefully connects more people who need the type of the support you are providing with your organization.
Today our local paper ran an article about a support group my mother-in-law started six years ago to support mothers of children with special needs. I'm proud of all the work she has done and the families she is helping. (The only bad part is that unfortunately you don't get to see the beautiful picture of my wife in the online version).
http://www.dailyrecord.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2008812030311
Today our local paper ran an article about a support group my mother-in-law started six years ago to support mothers of children with special needs. I'm proud of all the work she has done and the families she is helping. (The only bad part is that unfortunately you don't get to see the beautiful picture of my wife in the online version).
http://www.dailyrecord.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2008812030311
If you could change your life
Seth Godin today posed the question; If you could change your life...would you? Seth postulates that there are people out there who he is convinced that given the right teaching, encouragement and opportunity can change the world. And in order to put his theory to the test he is creating a 6 month apprenticeship program that he dubs an Alternative-MBA. He has made the turn around time from announcement to program commencement ridiculously quick (approx 6 weeks) and if he cannot find a small group of amazing people to take on he will cancel the program.
You can read more about it by following the links above but suffice it to say that while it is crazy and audacious, it is one of the most fantastic and intriguing ideas I have heard about in a long time.
Are you bold enough? Do you believe in yourself and your dreams enough to try?
You can read more about it by following the links above but suffice it to say that while it is crazy and audacious, it is one of the most fantastic and intriguing ideas I have heard about in a long time.
Are you bold enough? Do you believe in yourself and your dreams enough to try?
Quotes
I think God can speak to us in many ways. One of the ways I believe he speaks is through the concise ideas of others that can be easily understood and shared, typically called quotes. The best of these ideas move us to action, even if only the action we undertake is self-reflection which is perhaps the most powerful action of all. Today I will share a few quotes with you that have been causing me to reflect recently.
"In order to reach people that no one is reaching you need to do things that no one is doing. If you are going to do things that no one is doing you must stop doing what everyone else is doing." -Craig Groeschel
"Leadership that matters to God is leadership in priorities and activities that matter to God." -Gary Haugen
"When life gives you lemons...make grape juice then sit back and let everyone wonder how you did it." -anonymous
"With God 3% can be a majority" -Gary Haugen
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, It's the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead
"In order to reach people that no one is reaching you need to do things that no one is doing. If you are going to do things that no one is doing you must stop doing what everyone else is doing." -Craig Groeschel
"Leadership that matters to God is leadership in priorities and activities that matter to God." -Gary Haugen
"When life gives you lemons...make grape juice then sit back and let everyone wonder how you did it." -anonymous
"With God 3% can be a majority" -Gary Haugen
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, It's the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead
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